Midnight.
Tossing and turning. I’ve found myself doing this over and over and over again in the last few months. Just three semesters left of college, and I’m not even sure I’ve chosen the right major?
What if i’m not good enough at writing?
What if I don’t even really want to live overseas?
I love art, why did I let it go?
What if I am miserable in some lame job for the rest of my life?
What if I settle for less than the best?
The questions keep coming. One after another.
There’s so much I don’t know, but I do know God has given me an insatiable appetite to create. To write. To make music. To sing. To doodle. To bake. To paint. To photograph. Anything — please just don’t make me sit in a cubicle and make spreadsheets.
I know all this, yet WHY after praying and praying and praying do I still feel so directionless?
Here’s what I found. Let these words speak louder than my own:
“Why do you say, O Jacob (COURTNEY), and complain, O Isreal (COURTNEY),
“My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by my God”?
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives STRENGTH TO THE WEARY
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
But those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will not and not be faint.”
I don’t have any more answers since I’ve been up and reading and praying. I didn’t get a golden revelation like I keep wishing for, but I am reminded to hope in the Lord. And did you hear all that “I” in those questions of mine?
He must become greater, I must become less. Maybe he’s not answering because all of my questions are about making much of me rather than making much of Christ.
My prayer for me & you:
Father, let us look to you in our uncertainty, our fear, our doubt and our indecision. Renew our strength and guide our days.
