Things as They Are.

new.

courtneyrene.wordpress.com

It’s been a fun time having this secret blog, kids. I hope you’ll come on over to see the new place.

Oh Come, Oh Come Emmanuel

He stands at the busiest intersection in the middle of retail city. Everyone is in a mad dash for last minute Christmas gifts — they lock their doors and ignore his needy gaze. Turn up the radio, think about the wrapping left to do & the treats left to indulge in.

He’s got a Christmas hat, but instead of its usual jolly adornment on top of the head of some well-wisher at the mall, he’s turned it upside down and he’s holding it like an empty basket. He begs for pennies while thousands of shoppers pass by with hundreds of dollars of gifts in their trunks.

Then there’s the son whose heart is broken, the wife who isn’t prepared to face the next two days because their father has lost a long, hard battle with cancer just as the holiday dawned.

These events confronted me today and I found myself with a heavy heart. How could God let these things come to pass in the middle of a season of lights & gifts ? Why have I found myself in such happy circumstances amidst all the turmoil in this world?

Remember what Christmas is about in the first place? A savior born to heal the heavy, sin-battered hearts of this world. It’s about Emmanuel — God with us. Such a stark contrast to the holly jolly songs we dress the holiday in. Maybe our days aren’t merry & bright, but Emmanuel has come to us. There’s hope for a day when sin will no longer reign.  There’s comfort in the midst of all of this.

Come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death’s dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.

[In loving memory of Steve McNeil]

Midnight.

Tossing and turning. I’ve found myself doing this over and over and over again in the last few months. Just three semesters left of college, and I’m not even sure I’ve chosen the right major?

What if i’m not good enough at writing?

What if I don’t even really want to live overseas?

I love art, why did I let it go?

What if I am miserable in some lame job for the rest of my life?

What if I settle for less than the best?

The questions keep coming. One after another.

There’s so much I don’t know, but I do know God has given me an insatiable appetite to create. To write. To make music. To sing. To doodle. To bake. To paint. To photograph. Anything — please just don’t make me sit in a cubicle and make spreadsheets.

I know all this, yet WHY after praying and praying and praying do I still feel so directionless?

Here’s what I found. Let these words speak louder than my own:

“Why do you say, O Jacob (COURTNEY), and complain, O Isreal (COURTNEY),

“My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by my God”?

Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives STRENGTH TO THE WEARY

and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

But those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will not and not be faint.”

I don’t have any more answers since I’ve been up and reading and praying. I didn’t get a golden revelation like I keep wishing for, but I am reminded to hope in the Lord. And did you hear all that “I” in those questions of mine?

He must become greater, I must become less. Maybe he’s not answering because all of my questions are about making much of me rather than making much of Christ.

My prayer for me & you:

Father, let us look to you in our uncertainty, our fear, our doubt and our indecision. Renew our strength and guide our days.

Christmas break bucket list.

I always make a list of to-do’s, no matter how ridiculous they are, for every break or semester of school. Here’s this break’s:

-Less “social networking”, more family time.

-CRAFT. Sell some stuff, make some $$$.

-Read. I need to read my uncle’s book, and some classics I’ve been wanting to read.

-Write. I want to start a real blog again, so I’m going to try to get one all set up!

-Relax. It’s hard to do that when you’ve been non-stop for so many weeks. I still can’t believe some project isn’t hanging over my head or something.

-Bake. Enough said.

-Photograph. I have a film camera that I’ve wasted 3 rolls of film in. Ready to actually develop some.

Here’s to Christmas break!

i needed to read these quotes.

my journals are so photogenic.

“God created us to live with a single passion to joyfully display his supreme excellence in all the spheres of life. The wasted life is the life without this passion. God calls us to pray and think and dream and plan and work not to be made much of, but to make much of him in every part of our lives”

&

“…whatever you do, find the God-centered, Christ-exalting, Bible-saturated passion of your life, and find your way to say it and live for it and die for it. And you will make a difference that lasts. You will not waste your life.”

from don’t waste your life by john piper.

i’ve found myself stressing over “what I want to be when I grow up” in the past few weeks. yet God has drawn my attention that it isn’t about me at all. I pray that he directs my steps and that I give my all to all I do for HIS glory.

besides, as a photographer told me last week when I asked him how he ended up where he is, he said, “God is a God of suprises, and sometimes we mess that up by trying to figure out all his plans.”

c.s.